Text

i took him to where a bachelor party was supposed to be. They were not there. a quick phone call and they’d migrated to a hotel across the river. Now we need gas and he wants a snack. And I almost hit someone on the highway. I’m not okay. I’m trying to pass for okay because I want him to have fun tonight. 

As he gets out of the car, he has concern. Please drive safely, maybe take a few minutes to breath before you start driving. I nod my head, blinking tears back. And off he goes. And I let go, crying bawling wailing in the car in the hotel parking lot. 

I see figures walking around the loop, some time later. I don’t know how long I sat there. It’s him, and a friend. Most of the group left to get liquor so he’s killing time. And now I feel exposed because I didn’t want to be seen. Not like this. 

But he sees me and he knows and he hugs me and is happy I’m not driving yet. And his support calms me enough that I can drive home. 

The things I am dealing with right now, with his command, would be challenging for anybody. Any wife I know would be crying all the time just as I am. It’s a brutal and unending thing. I know it will end but some days some weeks it does not at all feel that way. 

He left his phone at the gym but I know who to call if I need to find him. I hate not knowing when he will be home. I never sleep well. Today I have flexiril and I will take a normal dose instead of my normal half pill. Hopefully I can get some sleep. 

On a positive note: I made butter chicken curry and he loved it. That sort of approval for a meal is rare so it was pretty awesome. And the house smells fantastic. 

Tags: journal sleep
Text

that did not feel like a week

it felt like something twice as long. Long days long days long days LONGER days ugh. Also, heartburn that makes previous bouts a joke. And insomnia. And my hips are in excruciating pain for hours of every night. 

Between two relationships, I get maybe an hour of quality time total daily. I’m starting to have, what’s the point, feelings with my ldr and I feel bad for them but they exist regardless.

sort of like, well we could let it go and it’d hardly be a change. Only the devastation and finality that I see waiting on the horizon anyway. On the other hand, it’s not like things are bad. More like, hibernating. More like, there are only  so many hours in a week and I don’t know if anything I can do will cause more of them to be shared with me. I doubt it. So maybe I can just let it be, wait it out. I’ve already been doing that for months now. 

I am feeling miserable and drowning my sorrows in cookies and milk. Near as I can tell, baby is a fan. 

Chat

Oh gosh... These are wonderful!

  • Harry Potter: Tell us about a scar on your body
  • Hermione Granger: What is your favorite book, how many times have you read it, and why do you love it?
  • Ron Weasley: Something you're afraid of?
  • Luna Lovegood: One thing that makes you different from everyone else.
  • Fred Weasley: Can you do any magic tricks? What is the best one you can do? If you can't do any, what's the best one you've seen?
  • George Weasley: What is the best prank you've ever played on someone?
  • Neville Longbottom: Tell us an embarrassing story.
  • Narcissa Malfoy: Do you have a good relationship with your family? Who are you closest to?
  • Voldemort: If you were to create a Horcrux(s), what would it be and why?
  • Bellatrix Lestrange: Have you ever loved someone who could never love you back?
  • Ginny Weasley: Have you ever been in love with an unexpected person?
  • Hedwig: If you went to Hogwarts, what kind of pet would you bring? (ex: cat, owl, rat, frog)
  • Draco Malfoy: Is it better to be feared or to be loved?
  • Rubeus Hagrid: What is your favorite mystical creature?
  • Dolores Umbridge: Make a list of rules that your family (or whoever you choose) would have to follow if you made the rules.
  • Lucius Malfoy: What is your most prized possession?
  • Molly Weasley: What is the proudest moment of your life?
  • Dobby: Who are you most loyal to?
  • Sirius Black: Have you ever been accused of doing something you didn't do?
  • Argus Filch: What's the worst job you've ever had?
  • Dudley Dursley: How many presents do you usually receive on your birthday?
  • Peter Pettigrew: Are you a leader or a follower?
  • Cedric Diggory: Have you ever had a near death experience?
  • Albus Dumbledore: What is the greatest obstacle you have ever overcome in your life?
  • Minerva McGonagall: What is your favorite spell?
  • Severus Snape: Are you a trustworthy person?
  • Remus Lupin: If you transform into any one animal or creature, which one would it be?
  • Uncle Vernon: What is your favorite day of the week?
  • Mad Eye Moody: Who is the bravest person you know?
  • Arthur Weasley: What do you think is the best "muggle" invention?
  • Professor Sprout: What is your favourite class that is offered at Hogwarts?
  • Nymphadora Tonks: If you could change one thing about your appearance what would it be?
  • Moaning Mertile: What is something that always makes you cry?
  • James Potter: Would you risk your life to save someone you truly love?
  • Lily Potter: What color eyes do you have?
  • Professor Trelawney: Have you ever dreamt something was going to happen and then it happened?
  • Mr. Ollivander: What would your wand look like?
  • Lavender Brown: Who is the last person who texted and have you ever had a crush on them?
  • Cho Chang: If you were on the Quidditch team, what position would you play?
  • Aunt Petunia: What is your favorite flower?
Photoset

aryaroses:

edgebug:

sincerely, a person who has been on prozac for 9 years

this is in response to some shitty stuff i’ve seen on my dash recently. it’s super simplified, so if you’d like to know some more indepth stuff on how exactly it works, google it—OR BETTER YET actually talk to a mental health doctor psychiatrist person wow

Do you want us to go back to the dark ages where people tried to cure depression by chewing sage or something DO YOU??!

(via caffeinated-cigarettes)

Photo
About to follow their lead and curl up in bed #dogsofinstagram #bedtime

About to follow their lead and curl up in bed #dogsofinstagram #bedtime

Photo
I may have stuck all my sheets in the wash then crawled back into bed for a nap. It was his idea. #sleepy

I may have stuck all my sheets in the wash then crawled back into bed for a nap. It was his idea. #sleepy

Tags: sleepy journal
Photo
a-lolitas-life:

Hello Adorable, Kinky, Amazing Followers!!
As I grow closer to a huge milestone of 10,000 followers (holy goodness!!), I want to celebrate by giving some super adorable give away items to my amazing followers. I want you all to know JUST how special each and every one of you are for being a part of my “Little” life! 
Much Love to you All!
xoxo,
Lolita
——————————————————————————————————-
A-Lolitas-Life 10,000 Followers SUPER ADORABLE Give Away!!
It’s getting close to my Give Away Goal of 10,000 followers, so here are all the details!
You Must REBLOG this post AND be Following Lolita to be entered in the random drawing to win!
When I reach my 10,000 followers mark, I’ll be entering everyone’s names into a random drawing generator and picking the winner! The name drawn at random will get an ADORABLE Kawaii Themed Package of Goodies, which includes:
A Daiso Kawaii “Happy Party” notebook
A Kawaii Collection pencil set with charms
A Daiso Kawaii Letter set (Note pad, envelopes and stickers)
A box of Kabaya Saku Panda Ichigo - strawberry cookies
A Diaso Kawaii Funny Eraser “Animals” set
A Diaso Kawaii Memo and Point Marker Sticky set (Bunnies!)
A 5 box multi-flavor set of Coris Chewing Gum
An adorable Kawaii Kissing Poodles collector box

**The Winner must agree to take a picture (without face if you so choose) of themselves with the prizes for me to post on the blog!**
Reblog as much as you want to better your chances! I’m only counting reblogs! Good Luck!
XOXO,
Lolita

a-lolitas-life:

Hello Adorable, Kinky, Amazing Followers!!

As I grow closer to a huge milestone of 10,000 followers (holy goodness!!), I want to celebrate by giving some super adorable give away items to my amazing followers. I want you all to know JUST how special each and every one of you are for being a part of my “Little” life! 

Much Love to you All!

xoxo,

Lolita

——————————————————————————————————-

A-Lolitas-Life 10,000 Followers SUPER ADORABLE Give Away!!

It’s getting close to my Give Away Goal of 10,000 followers, so here are all the details!

You Must REBLOG this post AND be Following Lolita to be entered in the random drawing to win!

When I reach my 10,000 followers mark, I’ll be entering everyone’s names into a random drawing generator and picking the winner! The name drawn at random will get an ADORABLE Kawaii Themed Package of Goodies, which includes:

  • A Daiso Kawaii “Happy Party” notebook
  • A Kawaii Collection pencil set with charms
  • A Daiso Kawaii Letter set (Note pad, envelopes and stickers)
  • A box of Kabaya Saku Panda Ichigo - strawberry cookies
  • A Diaso Kawaii Funny Eraser “Animals” set
  • A Diaso Kawaii Memo and Point Marker Sticky set (Bunnies!)
  • A 5 box multi-flavor set of Coris Chewing Gum
  • An adorable Kawaii Kissing Poodles collector box

image

**The Winner must agree to take a picture (without face if you so choose) of themselves with the prizes for me to post on the blog!**

Reblog as much as you want to better your chances! I’m only counting reblogs! Good Luck!

XOXO,

Lolita

(via a-lolitas-life)

Photoset

Gifts make me happy. Homemade ones even more. Homemade gifts I’ve been waiting months for are the bestest! Also, it’s a gorgeous day and the sec and (baby and) I are enjoying some breezes and pillows.

Photo
subgirlygirl:

"Presents are made for the pleasure of who gives them, not the merits of who receives them." - Carlos Ruiz Zafón

subgirlygirl:

"Presents are made for the pleasure of who gives them, not the merits of who receives them." - Carlos Ruiz Zafón

(Source: slowly-turnaway)

Chat

Daddy always makes all of the things better

  • Me: *grumble mumble grumble grumble*
  • Daddy: Excuse me little girl?
  • Me: *grrrr* nothing
  • Daddy: Whos my creampuff?
  • Me: .....
  • Daddy: Whoooos my creampuff???
  • Me: *trying not to smile*
  • Daddy: Whoooooooos my creaaaaaampuff??????
  • Me: *mumble* I am.
  • Daddy: And who do I love the most?
  • Me: me.....
  • Daddy: and who do you belong to?
  • Me: You, Daddy.
  • Daddy: *hugs me tight*
  • Daddy: and who do you love??
  • Me: you.
  • Daddy: and who do I belong to?
  • Me: me. only me. forever.
  • Daddy: and don't you ever forget it. <p>:3 </p>